My sweet, sweet, sweet boy. Darling Oliver. I love him so...But I don't think he likes children. We were in doggy class yesterday, and this STUPID little BRAT child was distracting my angel. He was just trying to learn, and she was walking around, being a little idiot. Plus she wasn't particularly cute. So you know what? He let her have it. He barked a bark I've never heard before... ANGRY! LOUD! She jumped and almost cried. And I did not scold him. SHE GOT WHAT WAS COMING.
Why would you take your children to doggy school? One couple brings their baby, and she behaves perfectly well. She watches her gorgeous dogs obey their father. She giggles and is sweet. Sometimes the trainer will have her walk around to distract the dogs, but they all like her. Because she's cute. But bring out the dumb (and my dumb I mean uggo, whiny) children, and the dogs go crazy. What does this say? Oh yes, pretty people win, again.
So maybe I'm awful, but you know I'm right. The facts are the facts.
XOXO-
UB
OH! P.S. I've switched back to black coffee. If gin makes me swoon, I can drink black coffee to be skinny. AND BE SKINNY I WILL!
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
I finally got what was coming...
Fans,
All my life I have been the skinny girl. The girl who never had to worry about her weight (cellulite, maybe, but not weight). In fact, whenever I would see 110 on the scale, I would diet until I got back to 105 or so. I'm not telling you guys this to make you jealous. It was simply who I WAS. The lucky little girl...
UNTIL THIS YEAR! 15 pounds just snuck their way onto my petite frame. I was SHOCKED. I am not a girl who weighs 120 pounds. I do NOT wear a size four. These things cannot happen to ME! But alas, fans, my metabolism has slowed...
So I think "I'll lose this weight quickly! I've never had to try before! I'll just workout every single day! No biggie." I did. And I have yet to lose a pound.
FRIDAY comes... the yearly doctor's visit... the doctor, in the kindest way possible, told ME- ME! that I needed to lose weight. Panic. Shock. Devastation. I think to myself "It's okay, you're smaller than 90% of the world's population, calm down." Dr. S then said, "let's check those thyroid levels, this is concerning." WHAT?!?!?! I'm pretty sure he just did this to make me feel better about gaining, so I went out into the little area where they do all the blood work (I just know everyone in that area thought I must be testing for STDs or something, so I explain to them all that it's a thyroid thing...I probably made myself look really dumb, but you all know how I worry).
So fans, here I go. I'm giving up all that is good and pure in my life- bread as a side, WINE, and fried foods. Just until October 15th. A girl can't make it through a long, temperate winter without her pinot...
If this can happen to me, fans, it can certainly happen to you. Quickly, before you have this experience at the doctor, give up everything that makes you happy. DENY, DENY, DENY yourselves the small pleasures in life (large blizzards, rolls, and booze). It's so much better than having a room full of women looking at you and thinking you have VD.
Becoming more miserable by the day,
UB
All my life I have been the skinny girl. The girl who never had to worry about her weight (cellulite, maybe, but not weight). In fact, whenever I would see 110 on the scale, I would diet until I got back to 105 or so. I'm not telling you guys this to make you jealous. It was simply who I WAS. The lucky little girl...
UNTIL THIS YEAR! 15 pounds just snuck their way onto my petite frame. I was SHOCKED. I am not a girl who weighs 120 pounds. I do NOT wear a size four. These things cannot happen to ME! But alas, fans, my metabolism has slowed...
So I think "I'll lose this weight quickly! I've never had to try before! I'll just workout every single day! No biggie." I did. And I have yet to lose a pound.
FRIDAY comes... the yearly doctor's visit... the doctor, in the kindest way possible, told ME- ME! that I needed to lose weight. Panic. Shock. Devastation. I think to myself "It's okay, you're smaller than 90% of the world's population, calm down." Dr. S then said, "let's check those thyroid levels, this is concerning." WHAT?!?!?! I'm pretty sure he just did this to make me feel better about gaining, so I went out into the little area where they do all the blood work (I just know everyone in that area thought I must be testing for STDs or something, so I explain to them all that it's a thyroid thing...I probably made myself look really dumb, but you all know how I worry).
So fans, here I go. I'm giving up all that is good and pure in my life- bread as a side, WINE, and fried foods. Just until October 15th. A girl can't make it through a long, temperate winter without her pinot...
If this can happen to me, fans, it can certainly happen to you. Quickly, before you have this experience at the doctor, give up everything that makes you happy. DENY, DENY, DENY yourselves the small pleasures in life (large blizzards, rolls, and booze). It's so much better than having a room full of women looking at you and thinking you have VD.
Becoming more miserable by the day,
UB
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