People Need to CHILLAX

So I've noticed a recurring trend- people are TOO UPTIGHT.

While I'm a rules kind of girl (I have to eat 100% of my daily fiber and I don't do drugs, yeah those are kind of my only rules.. oh and I think all people should wear seasonally appropriate attire (i.e. no flip flops in December, even if it's hot out), I still think people should just take a chill pill...

Examples...

- If your dog eats your shoes (happened this morning) say "NO PSYCHO DOG! THOSE WERE MY FAVORITE J.CREW FLATS! YOUR DAD IS GOING TO KILL ME WHEN I TELL HIM I NOT ONLY MUST REPLACE THEM, BUT THAT I ALSO HAVE TO PAY FOR OVERNIGHT SHIPPING BECAUSE I CAN'T GO A DAY WITHOUT THEM AND I'VE ALREADY SPENT A BLOODY FORTUNE ON CLOTHES LATELY!" THEN go to your computer and shop. Because you know what? They are shoes. Shoes... replaceable...

- Let your freakin kids eat candy... let them stay up late... the only RULE should be to just be nice and respectful of others. If you are too uptight with your kids, they grow up to hate you, then they move away, then you die alone in a bottom of the line nursing home and your kids never come to visit. And you kind of deserve it.

- Wear pajamas all day. Skip your workout every now and then to get a CHEESEBURGER. Spend your money on things you like... your savings only comes in handy when those children put you in the home...

- Splurge on something you LOVE- this would be bumble and bumble shampoo and conditioner for me. Something about washing my hair with shampoo that costs more than most people spend on a new purse makes me happy.

- Go to Whole Foods every now and again to get a non-dinner dinner... wine, cheese, olives, and a baguette. Savor every bite.

- Let the dogs on the furniture. "DOG HAIR, OMG! OMG! I HATE DOG HAIR!" Quit whining, people. Why did you get dogs? Get a dog figurine if you don't want to cuddle. Again... if you die with perfect furniture... what the heck does it matter? It's furniture.

I could go on and on and on, but it's time to go sit on my deck in my pajamas.

XOXO
UB