My Favorite FOODS THIS Week...

If you have met me, you know I believe strongly that food is the greatest thing in the world- it's why we exist...just to eat our next meal or snack!!!!

Also, if you're very close to me, you know I go through stages/obsessions- songs, colors, bloggers, and most of all food. I can looooove a food one week, and hate it the next. This has always frustrated my poor mother, and more recently, my poor husband!

Here is an up to date list of all the foods I'm loving this week!

1. Yoplait Light Apricot Mango Yogurt. This is so good I wanted to lick the little cup. I refrained, but I was tempted.

2. Cheerios- Plain or HONEY NUT! It makes you want to cry when you eat your last spoonful in the morning.

3. CHIPOTLE/MOE'S/QDOBA- Can anyone say "MONSTER BURRITO"? I can. And I did. And I do. I love beans, rice, sour cream, cheese, and meat all rolled up in a oddly rubbery tortilla. DELISH.

4. Bananas! They are so banana-y! I love them. My mom used to slice them over my cereal. That's an extra special treat.

5. Andes Mints- the only mint/chocolate combo that I think is divine. DIVINE I SAY!

6. Kit Kat Bars! Wafery, chocolatey goodness! These rock my footless tube socks off...

7. Jim 'N Nicks- We must eat there 3 times a week. I like those little muffin things! I like those bbq taters! BOY OH BOY I LOVE THOSE TATERS!!!!

8. Fish- any kind, please. With squirts of delicious lemon! MMMMMHHHHMMM.

9. Zantac 150- A must after consuming a monster burrito followed by a Kit Kat!!!

10. Broccoli. Don't you wish you could eat broccoli every day? I surely do. I've always loved broccoli. Garlic and butter make it oh so delectable!

AND MY NUMBER ONE, MOST FAVORITE FOOD, FOR NOW, FOREVER, FOR ALWAYS:

MEATBALLS! YUM YUM YUM YUM YUM YUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As you see, food is my passion. Eating, actually, is my passion. I wish we ate foods all day, every day. It often times frightens me that I eat more than my preggo friends, my husband, and my brother... COMBINED! Just kidding.

And you know what is odd, fans? I can eat anything, at any time of the day. Give me a plate of pasta with meatballs at 9 in the morning, and I'm as happy as a clam!

5 hours until I eat again,

UB

Credit Cards- A Necessary Evil

I know a bunch of you freaks are going to go all Dave Ramsey on me- I know credit cards are dangerous... I know that it's easy to spend too much.

But fans... what's a girl to do when she needs things and her husband doesn't approve? Respect his wishes? I think not! She orders them on her credit card! I just ordered a pair of 4 inch satin evening shoes. I could have gone with the option I truly desired from J.Crew, but those were like $225 or something. These babies were only $70. But still. He would say my last pair of evening shoes that I only wore once would suffice. But dear friends, they wouldn't. THEY WOULDN'T!

Also, a few of you will begin to notice my skin changing color. Going from the color "clear" to "less clear, still ghostly." I bought a tanning package. ONLY TO USE THROUGH THE MONTH OF MARCH (the girl was pretty persuasive and talked me into buying some delish smelling lotion as well). Do you think my husband would approve of this? No. So what did I do? I DID IT ANYWAY! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA. On my credit card of course... Actually, the thought of me looking less like I've been cooped up in the hospital for 3 years and more like I went outside once or twice would probably convince him of the necessity of this purchase. Whatevs.

I'll look hot. Or like really conservative and lame.

Have we discussed my opinions on the spaghetti strap, the strapless, and the low cut dress? I do NOT approve. You don't want people staring at you adjusting yourself and hunching over all night. So my opinion is always wear what is comfortable. This is why I always wonder if I look like a lez probably.

XOXO,
UB

DISCLAIMER- I AM FRUGAL/CHEAP AT ALL TIMES. THE HUSBAND BUYS WHATEVER HIS HEART DESIRES, SO DON'T CONCERN YOURSELF WITH HIM. And he'll be happy when I look hottt.

Later peeps.

Jealousy

Fans,

I've grown quite accustomed to people being jealous of me. My looks, my wit, my charming personality... it's too much for most people to be around.

But this time... it is I who am jealous.

Of my husband!

His upcoming trip to Switzerland has me in a fit. All new ski clothes... a stop in London... fabulous meals... it's just too much!

I'll make him sorry he ever agreed to go on this trip (required to keep his job). I will buy whatever I want, eat whatever I want (falafel, pasta, soup), and watch whatever I want on t.v. (or go to bed at 7 and read and wear fleece).

This sucks. I WANNA GO.

I WANNA GO I WANNA GO I WANNA GO I WANNA GO.

But, when you think about it, I hate being cold. So maybe it's for the best that I'm stuck here. IN ALABAMA. WHILE MY HUSBAND TRAVELS THE GLOBE. PROBABLY IN FIRST CLASS. I ALWAYS FLY COACH.

WHEN WILL THE INJUSTICE END??????

I pray for the forgiveness of my iniquities- jealousy and MAXING OUT MY CREDIT CARD DURING THE FIRST WEEK OF MARCH! TAKE THAT, HUSBAND. HOPE YOU ENJOY THE COOOOOLLLLDDD.

XOXO,
UB

V Day

Hello fans,

Guess what we did last night? We drank a bottle of champagne and watched It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia for like 3 hours! It was great! Fantastic! Perfect!

Next week is my husband's birthday. He says he no longer wants to recognize his birthday because he feels old. No doubt that is because he's married to me (I fall asleep no later than 8 on the couch- I'm never up for fun). Anyway, I would like to recognize his birthday so I can have a nice dinner! Where should we go? The only thing that cheers him up is a prime rib... up to 64 oz... wish I was joking...

THEN- this weekend is way too busy. The G's will be in town Friday and Saturday, Stepsing is Saturday night, then L's shower is Sunday along with the celebration of my husband's birthday! I think all of those things are enjoyable, but I'm used to having at least one day a week with no human interaction. Don't you ever grow tired of listening (given, listening is not one of my best skills)... but pretending to listen is difficult as well. I've learned that you can use the time when you should be listening to plan out your meals, push back your cuticles, or create a task list for the remainder of your day. Or you can just stare at the person talking and judge them. I would say 9 times out of 10 that's what I'm doing.

Happy Monday!
UB

Things I Like

1. Tattoo Shirts- I actually find these douche baggish (pardon my french, Mommy and Ol' Al), but they make me laugh and chuckle. Bonus points (as in, you're even dorkier) if this type of shirt has a short sleeve.

2. McManis Cabernet- I've mentioned this before, but I love my McManis.

3. Eating lots of dessert. YUM.

4. Boots- not the shoe, but the cat. My neighbor's cat. He was missing for a week, and I was so sad. Now he is back, and I am glad. This is not him. This kitty just sort of looks like Boots. Aren't kitties with pink noses SWEET? Mr. Kitty also has a pink nose!

5. Pajamas. I wish that you wore pajamas to work.

6. Tube socks. They keep my legs warm. I cut the feet off tube socks and wear them under my pants to work. Don't tell. It's cozy.

7. Mrs. Meyer's cleaning supplies in "Baby Blossom." OMG these smell like HEAVEN. The lady who checked me out disagreed. But she wore too much blush. So bam.

8. Doing things I know I shouldn't. Because it's fun.

9. Seafood. All of it. Yum. Could eat it every night. Mussels, clams, tuna, salmon, scallops, oysters, shrimp, sea bass... any of it.

10. Hoarders (the tv show). People hoard adult diapers. It's so wrong. But I can't look away.

And there we go. Back to work, dear friends.

XOXO-

UB

When I'm a BILLIONAIRE...

The reason I know my husband and I are soul mates...

We were driving last night, and he said "When I'm a billionaire, I want a Manchu Wok in the basement... and a Sbarro for you."

See, we're perfect for each other!

No need to feed the hungry or clothe the poor. I do not long for diamonds or furs.

Our only desire- a mall food court just for us!

Also, I would adopt as many cats as possible from the humane society and pay for their care so that people who wanted a cat but could not afford one could have a purring angel kitty!

So that is what will happen when we are billionaires!

XOXO-
UB

Conditioner

Yesterday I forgot to wash the conditioner out of my hair. I failed to realize this until I was halfway through drying my hair. Because I hate being late, I decided it was better to just wear my hair in a ponytail and be on time to work than to rinse it out and start all over. Because my being at work at 8 on the dot every day is crucial to the survival of the company (not really, but I have an irrational mind).

All day I felt icky! I came so close to washing my hair in the bathroom sink at work. But not too close as it smells strongly of urine in there. Ew! My mind is not that irrational.

Anyway. I took a shower last night. Which seems like no big deal to everyone out there who is normal. I am so far from normal though, so this is a bad news for me. This means I have to take another shower tonight. Showers where you wash your hair must be 24 hours apart- no more than that or your hair will get all dry and start producing too much oil. No less or it gets too greasy. Darned if you do, darned if you don't. Eventually, I need to take a shower in the morning to get back into a normal routine. Most of you cannot understand how difficult this is or why this is a concern/problem. I wish I could explain. I just do things the way I do them. And when routines are altered, I freak. Just some routines though. I'm not completely obsessive compulsive or weird. A little touch is all.

What I'm going to have to do is get a haircut one morning. That will get me back into a normal routine because I will be forced to have my hair washed in the morning, even if I don't want to have my hair washed in the morning because it has only been 8 hours since I last washed it.

Yes, they do have doctors for people like me. Maybe one day I'll meet one =)

Insomnia

Dearest fans,

Intellectuals are often plagued by a racing mind- conjuring up the next brilliant thought typically takes time, you see. I am no different. Because I am such the intellectual. A philosopher if you will...

Since childhood, I have suffered with the inability to sleep through most nights. I wake up many nights around 1 or 2, and most of the time do not fall back to sleep until 4 or 5. It is not a fun experience. Most of the time I toss and turn, lost in thought (how to save the world, the purpose of life, the cuteness of kittens)... sometimes I snuggle in my footless sleeping bag in the den and watch t.v. Last night I decided to try something different...

I went to the guest bedroom with a book. It was cozy and relaxing. The only problem was that I read half of the book and STILL was not sleepy. I toyed with the idea of starting a new book, but decided against that idea... I instead chose to return to my bed.

Bad decision. In my bed was my husband. He sleeps through the night every night... and he has hilarious dreams (they cause him to laugh hysterically). His peacefulness causes me great anger. I want to sleep like he sleeps! Why do I have to be up all night? Do I not deserve rest just as much as he does? Maybe I do not. My job is about 1/5000th as stressful as his. Still. I WANT TO SLEEP!

Tonight I will down two Tylenol pms with a couple of glasses of wine. That should work. If not, it's okay because I'm starting The 19th Wife tonight... WHOOP WHOOP!

Happy sleeping!
XOXO-
UB