Monday, September 13, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
ARG!
Fans-
If you ever see me eating something and it looks like I'm enjoying it, HIT ME! TAKE MY PLATE FROM ME! THROW IT AWAY!
We had a lunch party at work today... Golden Rule... I ate less than a half cup of chicken, two teaspoons of sauce, 1/4 cup of vinegar based slaw, three tablespoons of macaroni and cheese, and three tablespoons of beans. Dessert was this ice cream thing a man's wife makes. That small amount of food was DOUBLE the amount of weight watchers points I'm allowed in a day. SOOOOO that means lettuce for the next few days. I know I gained all my weight back that I had lost.
I have to get control over myself.
This is my diet for the next week- only salads, yogurt, and fiber one cereal and/or bars.
I want to cry. Food is the only thing that makes me happy. Don't feed me any of that "friends make you happy" or "GO TO A PARK!" or "have a long conversation with your husband" crap. Everyone knows those things SUCK compared to a slice of pizza or a blizzard.
Warning, fans... there isn't a single one of you who I wouldn't gladly trade in for just a taste of pepperoni. Remember that. Consider yourself lucky if I even acknowledge your existance.
In the mood to make someone CRY,
UB
If you ever see me eating something and it looks like I'm enjoying it, HIT ME! TAKE MY PLATE FROM ME! THROW IT AWAY!
We had a lunch party at work today... Golden Rule... I ate less than a half cup of chicken, two teaspoons of sauce, 1/4 cup of vinegar based slaw, three tablespoons of macaroni and cheese, and three tablespoons of beans. Dessert was this ice cream thing a man's wife makes. That small amount of food was DOUBLE the amount of weight watchers points I'm allowed in a day. SOOOOO that means lettuce for the next few days. I know I gained all my weight back that I had lost.
I have to get control over myself.
This is my diet for the next week- only salads, yogurt, and fiber one cereal and/or bars.
I want to cry. Food is the only thing that makes me happy. Don't feed me any of that "friends make you happy" or "GO TO A PARK!" or "have a long conversation with your husband" crap. Everyone knows those things SUCK compared to a slice of pizza or a blizzard.
Warning, fans... there isn't a single one of you who I wouldn't gladly trade in for just a taste of pepperoni. Remember that. Consider yourself lucky if I even acknowledge your existance.
In the mood to make someone CRY,
UB
Friday, September 3, 2010
Friday Night Alone
Stupid stupid allergies have left me pretty miserable for the majority of the past couple of days... blablabla, I'm home alone because I do not like being around people when I am sick, blabla, husband went to dinner with a friend.
So... I take some medicine to make me feel better... I still do not feel great, but I have ENERGY. I mean ENERGY. Thank GOD.
But anyway, all that just brings me to my story...
I cleaned and cleaned all night and had yet to use all my weight watchers points for the day (I'm getting rather good at saving them for a couple of vodkas at the end of the night), so I decided to make a piece of light toast and herbal tea... I let the dogs out... then something came FLYING into the house. I cannot be responsible for the words that came out of my mouth, for this was not an insect I was used to seeing. It was a praying mantis.
Well, I thought I could be brave and save it, but when I walked up to catch it, IT TURNED IT'S FREAKING HEAD. RIGHT AT ME! It FREAKING LOOKED AT ME.
"Oh, NO! OH NO!" I screamed as I ran for my Dyson. The love of my life. I kept thinking "Save the bug, don't be a weenie. SAVE THE BUG." But you all know what I did... I SUCKED IT INTO THE DYSON.
Then my anxiety kicked in and I FREAKED and was sure that stupid bug was going to escape and fly around and make this the worst night of my life (mountains of puke and turds stuck to dog beds did not help things either). So I just had to vacuum. The whole house. That way the bug would have to die. Right? Right? I don't know!
After researching the praying mantis, I've come to find that it is indeed evil and deserves to die. So I've done the world a favor...
You're welcome,
UB
So... I take some medicine to make me feel better... I still do not feel great, but I have ENERGY. I mean ENERGY. Thank GOD.
But anyway, all that just brings me to my story...
I cleaned and cleaned all night and had yet to use all my weight watchers points for the day (I'm getting rather good at saving them for a couple of vodkas at the end of the night), so I decided to make a piece of light toast and herbal tea... I let the dogs out... then something came FLYING into the house. I cannot be responsible for the words that came out of my mouth, for this was not an insect I was used to seeing. It was a praying mantis.
Well, I thought I could be brave and save it, but when I walked up to catch it, IT TURNED IT'S FREAKING HEAD. RIGHT AT ME! It FREAKING LOOKED AT ME.
"Oh, NO! OH NO!" I screamed as I ran for my Dyson. The love of my life. I kept thinking "Save the bug, don't be a weenie. SAVE THE BUG." But you all know what I did... I SUCKED IT INTO THE DYSON.
Then my anxiety kicked in and I FREAKED and was sure that stupid bug was going to escape and fly around and make this the worst night of my life (mountains of puke and turds stuck to dog beds did not help things either). So I just had to vacuum. The whole house. That way the bug would have to die. Right? Right? I don't know!
After researching the praying mantis, I've come to find that it is indeed evil and deserves to die. So I've done the world a favor...
You're welcome,
UB
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
