Halloween/My Man's Birthday!

Hi Fans.

I've been under loads of stress lately, so regrettably I have failed to blog about my feelings toward Halloween... I believe this is a good time to get it all out...

I don't know if any of you saw the story about Halloween Haters in the paper on Sunday... but I am here to inform you all that I am one of them...I HATE Halloween! There are shirts out there that proclaim "I HATE HALLOWEEN"... I don't think I care enough to go THAT far (not to mention I don't want the whole world to know what a bitter soul I am)...but the sentiment is much appreciated.

Why do I hate Halloween?... I suppose my distaste for the holiday stems from my UN FUN nature... I don't enjoy pretend/creativity/late nights/carving pumpkins/being scared/people passing out junk candy because they are too cheap to buy the chocolate/women dressing as slutty nurse/teacher/pirate/etc./sluts/children/ children coming to my door for candy causing me to pause the DVR to give them the only decent candy of the night... ETC.ETC.ETC.

It's all quite a bit of trouble...

So while I do hate Halloween for all of the traditional garbage that it entails, I love it for a very special reason...

It's the day of my kitty son's birth! That's RIGHT! Mr. Kitty (a.k.a. MAN, MIRACLE, BIG FAT MAN, ANGEL, MY MAIN MAN) was born on a day that is associated with all things SPOOKY AND EVIL! Explains so much, right? He would SO have been a vampire if he wasn't a kitty man. He loves to bite! He bite, bite, bites!

This year that BIG FAT MAN will be SIX! Can you believe it? My... how time flies...

He has been such a special addition to our family. I must confess, I abandoned him for a human man nearly three years ago. I think that makes me a terrible mother, but Mr. Kitty has more dander than 82 normal cats put together, and my human man has severe allergies to...well...almost everything, but most of all, CATS! Poor guy (I guess Mr. & the husband, but mostly MISTER KITTY)! Luckily, his grandmother spoils him rotten.

I'll do a post later in the week that discusses in further detail all of the mischievous yet precious things Mr. Kitty does...

Just look at that handsome guy!!! He's SO beautiful!!!!! This was his 2 year portrait taken when we lived in Auburn! He was a college kitty! ADORABLE!

Happy Mr. Kitty's Birthday Week! I'm getting him a Halloween costume for his birthday (Did I mention he LOVES to wear clothes?) YAY!

XOXO,

-UB

Wednesday Night- Waiting on a Chicken... and a BABY

As I sit preparing a roast chicken, I regret (or am excited) to inform you all that I inadvertently (on purpose) sent HER a message of encouragement.

But GOODNESS fans! Are we not ready for the birth story? I believe, in earnest, we ARE!

Everyone who knows what this is regarding needs to send a little note to the recklessly brave mother ... I personally await the birth with eager anticipation... as I know you do also...

Happy Birthday (I hope), Nehemiah, Amos, Ezekiel, or whatever your name shall be,
Undercover Blogger

WHEN is SHE Going to HAVE HER BABY?

HMMMMMMMM? I saw her huzby working his little grungy heart out... more like walking around, chatting with friends... busy as a little bee... while at ANY moment his bride and helpmeet could require his assistance in filling up the used inflatable pool and assist her as she is in agony for hooooooourrrrrs while he feeds her cheese, organic grapes and whatever the heck else she eats.

I don't know about you, fans, but I suspect you feel as I do...I'm READY FOR THAT BABY TO COME!!! I need a good home birth story to liven up the working day.

What do you suppose she'll call the little munchkin?
Beregond?
Aragorn?
Gretel?
Balthazar?

We stand together, fans, for the unique naming ceremony that lies ahead... right after the placental burying ceremony... or before... I suppose I should further investigate the timing of all home birthing rituals...

Happy Home Birthing,
UNDERCOVER BLOGGER

LEAST Favorite Things!

Hi ALL! I know that you all rely on me for honesty. If UB isn't truthful with you, then who is? RIGHT?

So, here we go with a few least faves:

1. Fridays. I think we should have just a 4 day work week. 5 is too much. When are we supposed to relax? I don't guess we do... When do we see our friends? A rushed lunch on Saturday? It's sad...

2. Facebook... old people have infiltrated...

3. Sports... bunches of people (including your otherwise style conscious friends) dressed in team colors for a whole season, hooting and hollering to support their teams... not to mention the hideous blow up tiger down the street... actually, scratch that. I DO like football as it makes the malls and restaurants much less crowded.

3. (Since I've decided sports are acceptable)- Being hungry. I'm so hungry. I wish I had some pie or spaghetti or something. =(

4. Roaches. I've put traps everywhere, yet I'm still using my RAID with greater frequency than I find acceptable...

5. Lady GaGa and Katy Perry- OH WAIT! JUST KIDDING! I LOVE THEM!

5. MAKING CAKES. We don't have one for like...a few weeks... but I'm already dreading it. Don't stop placing orders though, I mostly just like to complain. You would understand if you were as skilled as we are... but... YOU'RE NOT!

6. Women who don't wear makeup. It's like men who walk around with no shirt...or people who don't wear shoes... WHY?

7. Mouth breathers.

8. Humidity. My hair can turn from sleek and shining to Monica in Jamaica hair in a nanosecond...

9. THE FACT THAT IT WON'T GET COLD. I want to get some of those brooms that smell like cinnamon that they are selling at Whole Foods right now, but it just doesn't seem right when it's practically 99 degrees outside.

10. Insomnia. I know I should ask the old doc about Ambien, but some of my best thoughts come to me in the middle of the night... it's just who I am... the girl who doesn't sleep...

XOXO-
UB

To the Penny

Hello ALL...

Sometimes, fans, when you are an office manager and you are reconciling the bank account for the previous month and the bank balance just happens to work out on your first attempt at the thing, you sometimes cry a little. It is truly a moment of joy. Sometimes you are missing a few dollars. That is simply infuriating. Sometimes you're missing $15,000 or more. Then you just leave and walk around the mall for a bit. Today happens to be one of those days where it all worked. I have yet to make my journal entries for fear that something is missing, so I'll save that for the afternoon. As of this very moment, I'm rejoicing... So I should at least enjoy that feeling for a few measly hours before I am in tears again!

THE BANK ACCOUNT IS BALANCED TO THE PENNY!

Which brings me to the point of this post... what do you do with your pennies, fans?

Darling husband became upset with me last week when he discovered that I throw mine away... I don't really understand what the big deal is, but he made me feel SO guilty! I'm confused as to what good a penny does anyone...

After that, I decided I would try to use a few pennies...

I went into the wine shop, and my total was something like $12.11. I began counting the pennies, and the attendant stopped me and said "It's okay! You can keep the change." Well I told the man that wasn't necessary and handed him the eleven pennies... he handed them back to me. I was beyond upset. Eleven freaking pennies still clinking in my purse.

Now I'm just trying to get rid of them anyway I can. When I check out at the store, for example... if my total is 98.75, I hand them ten or twelve pennies and pay the remaining balance with my debit card. They don't like it, but what do I care?

By heck or high water,THIS UB will rid herself of all the pennies she possesses WITHOUT throwing them away.

Some ideas-

-Go inside Chevron and put a few in the little coin collector
-Leave a few in the vending machine for the cheapo who checks
-Toss a few on the ground outside (heads up) for a superstitious person to find
-Take them to Publix for the penny item (WHICH THEY ALWAYS FREAKING GIVE ME FOR FREE! NO PENNY REQUIRED)... I suppose I could give them to a less cute person who they make pay for the penny item...
-Coinstar? That's a lot of trouble...

Any other ideas, fans?

Have a lovely day,
Undercover Blogger

Extortion- What's the big DEAL?

So... Letterman...



Ugly, right?





Why are people SO whiny all the time? "POOR me, I've been blackmailed for $2mil because I slept with people who work for me."


I wouldn't be surprised if he set this whole little scam up himself to make people think women find him attractive. That poor extortionist probably gets like 10+ years in prison and then he'll get paid $5mil at the end of the game for helping Letterman get some publicity. That guy should have watched "LOCKUP: RAW" before he decided $5 mil was worth being forced to marry a man living as woman who calls himself Roxie.


Honestly, I don't see what the big deal is regarding bribery. In business we face many obstacles, and the good guy always finishes last. Extortion hurts no one. You shouldn't do things that would allow someone to blackmail you in the future. IDIOTS. TIT FOR TAT, DAVE.


Let's face the facts, friends, he's getting old. Old is icky unless you're rich. I'm sure Letterman makes a decent living, but he's no oil tycoon. Just a millionaire I bet. Millionaires are so 80s. You would THINK attractive women would begin to set their standards a little higher...

I mean, come ON! What a joke! WHO are the multiple women who had affairs with this man? I just can't believe it. It seems as though this is a common question that runs through my mind when something like this happens...

Let us take a look at a few other men who have been caught in such scandals...






John Edwards isn't 100% unfortunate, but doesn't he look like he could star in Three's Company? CHEESE BALL. I guess at least he was worth some moolah.









Woody Allen. Sick and creepy. I mean the fact that Diane Keaton could even act beside him after MICHAEL CORLEONE makes me want to hurl.











Bill wasn't THE ugliest human 20 years ago, but EESH! He's OLD now! YUCK!










Given, Mr. Spitzer had to pay for his pleasure... but she was PRETTY! And he is... an UGGO!

Let's not get into the wonders some Frizz Ease would do for his wife's hair... poor woman...





I know I could go on and on and on and find a few cute celebs who have had affairs, but that would make not a fun blog post.

Happy Friday!
Undercover Blogger

A Burden Lifted...

Fans, do you ever feel as though you are weighed down by 100 pounds of cement, completely unable to breathe?

I do. Or I DID... but alas, no longer am I breathing through a paper bag... I've finally placed my orders for my fall shoes! YAY!

I owe L eternal gratitude for assisting me in my choice of fall shoes. What would I do without you, L? How can you listen to me drone on and on about the different shades of brown that would work with my green sweater? Most likely you do what silly A does... put the phone down and come back later.

So without further ado, here are the choices I have made...

I bought these in the summer, but they'll count as a fall shoe...I always buy a new pair of black pumps every year...

Then, I went for the little metallic graphite leather flat...

And finally, some cute boots... thank GOD I ordered them today... I got the last 5! WHEW. I couldn't find a bigger picture...

I am so thrilled to have this behind me...

XOXO,
UB

Deeper Thinking...

Fans, I feel my posts have been quite shallow as of late, so I've decided to delve into a thought I've had for many years now...

Why do some people sit there with their mouth open, just staring ahead like a fish eyed moron? Deviated septum? Idiocy? I have no idea.

What do you guys think about this topic?

Lost in thought,
Undercover Blogger