So... I take some medicine to make me feel better... I still do not feel great, but I have ENERGY. I mean ENERGY. Thank GOD.
But anyway, all that just brings me to my story...
I cleaned and cleaned all night and had yet to use all my weight watchers points for the day (I'm getting rather good at saving them for a couple of vodkas at the end of the night), so I decided to make a piece of light toast and herbal tea... I let the dogs out... then something came FLYING into the house. I cannot be responsible for the words that came out of my mouth, for this was not an insect I was used to seeing. It was a praying mantis.
Well, I thought I could be brave and save it, but when I walked up to catch it, IT TURNED IT'S FREAKING HEAD. RIGHT AT ME! It FREAKING LOOKED AT ME.
"Oh, NO! OH NO!" I screamed as I ran for my Dyson. The love of my life. I kept thinking "Save the bug, don't be a weenie. SAVE THE BUG." But you all know what I did... I SUCKED IT INTO THE DYSON.
Then my anxiety kicked in and I FREAKED and was sure that stupid bug was going to escape and fly around and make this the worst night of my life (mountains of puke and turds stuck to dog beds did not help things either). So I just had to vacuum. The whole house. That way the bug would have to die. Right? Right? I don't know!
After researching the praying mantis, I've come to find that it is indeed evil and deserves to die. So I've done the world a favor...
You're welcome,
UB
